ManLoco

Feminism. I know some of you are cringing your faces, ‘not again with this feminist talk’ and I’m sure most of you are men, but trust me this is from a whole ‘nother point of view. We, feminist (yes I said we) are always talking, protesting about equal rights and fair share; give women equal pay and equal opportunities, but not once have we fully deliberated on equal rights for men ( and no, I am not mansplaining this because I am a woman).

Did you know that according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in America and Men die by suicide 3.5x more often than women (Say what now?) and this is also true for some other countries. I’m sure you’re wondering why and I’ll tell you.

‘We do a great disservice to boys on how we raise them. We stifle the humanity of boys. We define masculinity in a very narrow way… It becomes this hard small cage and we put boys inside the cage. We teach boys to be afraid of fear, we teach boys to be afraid of weakness, of vulnerability. We teach them to mask their true selves because they have to be, in Nigerian speak, HARD MAN!’ – Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. ‘We should all be Feminists’. TEDxEuston

We can go on and on about how women deserve equal opportunities, but so do men, men deserve the opportunity to be true to themselves, their real selves not the ones controlled by perception or society. Men deserve to be taught that there is strength in weakness and power in vulnerability. They deserve to know that asking for help is not the end of the World and they can always reach out and find a helping hand and it won’t kill them to take that helping hand. Men need to understand that the more ‘masculinity’ they clamor for, the more fragile their egos become and all this inadvertently affects the way we raise our girls.

… because we raise them to cater to fragile egos of men. We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, “You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful, otherwise you would threaten the man. If you are the bread-winner in your relationship with a man, you have to pretend that you’re not. Especially in public. Otherwise you will emasculate him. – Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. ‘We should all be Feminists’. TEDxEuston

Whether we choose to accept it or not, the way we raise men affects the way we raise women, vice versa, and in the long run affects the socioeconomic growth of society (I wish I could go in-depth). I know it’s probably too late to change the way things are but we can raise our children better. Raise better men. Raise more humane men and in turn have a more stable economy.

Happy International Mens Day and if you’re going through depression or having suicidal thoughts, it is okay to ask for help.

Gender Inequality by Vwaire Efekemo

Gender inequality refers to unequal treatment or perceptions of individuals based on their gender

Well that’s just what it is ‘a perception’, which in no way puts a person in bondage or hinders one from achieving their goals and dreams

The battle for gender equality or women emancipation is a self-defeating fight

Why? Because there is nothing to be set free from. A person can only set free a person who is in bondage.

One may ask, What about the norms or my culture that expects me to behave in a certain way? Well there are always expectations (we are not to fight people’s expectations be it in family or society) we can only choose to live up to such expectations or ignore them. The truth is right to choose CANNOT be taken from anyone.

All humans are equal but not everyone was wired and created the same way. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. If as a woman you have your strengths and passions in areas predominated by men then a woman shouldn’t be intimidated but rather rise up to the occasion and follow your passion

If as a man you have your strengths in areas predominated by women then it doesn’t make you less of man. There’s nothing wrong if a husband likes cooking and does the cooking at home, People should just do what they love that is right.

I’m not ignorant of the fact that women in some communities are forcefully stopped from achieving their dreams, attaining Leadership positions, raped, molested etc. The solution shouldn’t be an emancipation campaign. Trying to prove that s lady is somebody too actually reduces a person and Pursuing your dreams as a revenge to men or society does nothing but enslave a person to the thoughts and perception they think or know others have of them. The only barrier a person has becomes their mind and in this case emancipation is needed not from men but from your themselves

The main issue is not inequality because in the real sense all humans are equal.

The main issue has always been self discovery, self-realization, self-respect, and self actualization.

It’s only after self discovery  and self realisation that a person can truly know what their desire and passion which will in turn be their motivating power for success.

Presentation Paper On Gender Inequality by Gloria A.Uwada

Good day, Ladies and Gentlemen.
It is an honor to stand before you today, and present a paper on “GENDER INEQUALITY before the drivers of the future of our great nation Nigeria. I strongly believe that at the end of this presentation, there will be a ray of hope to correct the abnormalities that has dealt a big blow to our society.
Let me start by saying that gender inequality is an unequal and imbalance treatment or perceptions of individuals based on their gender. It arises from differences in socially constructed gender role.
I will like to state here that women are more than fifty percent of the world’s population. They perform two-third of the world’s work, yet receive one-tenth of the world’s income. They represent a staggering seventy percent of the world’s one billion poorest people. This is a stack development reality for our world.
Please, permit me to use our country Nigeria as a case study. It is an indisputable fact that Nigeria has the highest population of any African country, with a population of over 170 million, Nigeria is ranked the world’s seventh most populated country. Of this magnitude, forty-nine percent are female; some 80.2 million girls and women. Comparatively, thirty-eight percent of women in Nigeria lack formal education as against twenty-two for men and only three percent of women have higher education against the seven percent of their male counterpart. Nigeria ranks 118 of 134 countries in the Gender Equality Index.

It is apparent that no appreciable development can be made either at the local, national
or international platform without recognizing girls and women as equal players in the game of life whilst empowering, up-skilling and investing in them for a better world to be co-contributors to national development like their male counterparts.

“When we empower women, we empower communities, nations and entire human family” The UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon

Today, we live in a world where majority of girls and women face real-time poverty, gross inequality, molestation and injustice, which could run through from birth to death. From poor education to poor nutrition to violence and brutalization to vulnerable and low pay employment, the sequence of discrimination and atrocities a woman may suffer during her entire life is unacceptable but all too common in our global society.
Please, permit to state that the progress of women means…the progress of the world.
I want to state unequivocally that women are Nigeria’s hidden resource, it is sad that over 1.5 million Nigeria children aged 6-14(8.1%) are currently not in school, a situation which has effortlessly earned Nigeria the world’s largest out of school children country-an unfortunate achievement of a robust nation. According to UK Department for International Development (DFID), 2012 Gender Report in Nigeria, “In eight Northern States, over 80% of women are unable to read (compared with 54% for men). In Jigawa State, 94% of women (42% of men) are illiterate”.

Apparently, we have failed to realize that just a few investments have as large a payoff as girls’ education. Some traceable factors to this ill-starred development include lack of funds resulting from wide-spread poverty, traditional and religious inclination which place low priority on educating the girl child, non-provision of educational facilities by government, poor funding of the educational sector,weak educational policies, early marriage, early childbirth, poor sanitation, ignorance among others. Nigeria has one of the lowest rates of female entrepreneurship in sub-Saharan Africa. The majority of women are concentrated in casual, low-skilled, low paid informal sector employment. Only 15% of women have a bank account”.

Educating and empowering the girl child implies preparing her for future motherhood challenges that will in the nearest future affect a family and the larger society either positively or negatively. The huge geographical and ideological disparities of Nigeria, makes her a unique country with though global yet slightly peculiar challenges and opportunities, even as it relates to gender inequality. Human development outcomes for girls and women are worse in the northern part of the country where
poverty levels are sometimes twice as high as in the south. Nearly half of all children under age five are malnourished in the North-East, with the figures expected to increase across the country in the wake of national and international food crises.

Women around the world are dynamic leaders and powerful advocates of change. But space for their leadership and broader social and political participation remains constrained. By mid-2011, only 28 countries could claim that women’s parliamentary representation had reached a critical mass of 30 percent or more. Only 19 women were leading their countries as elected heads of state or government”.

In Nigeria, only 25 out of the 360 members of the Nigerian House of Representatives being women and only about 4% of local government councilors are women, confirming that “women are underrepresented in all political decision-making bodies and their representation has not increased since the inception of democratic rule”. This could perhaps be an explanation for Nigeria’s low investment in sections that are crucial to human development outcomes such as health and education. It is pertinent to note that the quality of our democracy, the strength of our economies, the health of
our societies and the sustainability of peace —are all undermined when we fail to fully tap half of the world’s talent and potential. Where women have access to secondary education, good jobs, land and other assets, national growth and stability are enhanced, and we see lower maternal mortality, improved child nutrition, greater food security, and less risk of HIV and AIDS.

Everyone is equal. We have the same rights in every way, we must all join hands together and crush that social cancer called gender inequality and promote with at all facets gender balances. Gender equality must become a lived reality. We must continue to champion the creation and passage of laws regarding such imbalances, adopting action plans and budgets to implement legislation, instituting prevention
programs and protection services for women, and campaigning to raise awareness whilst instilling sound moral and religious instructions in all including the girl-child education towards a chaste and modest future.

Achieving gender equality and women’s rights in Nigeria and the world at large is crucial to establishing and sustaining developments as specifically addressed by three Millennium Development Goals (MDGs) now known as Sustainable Developement Goals (SDGs).
Gender inequality has a much greater impact than the explicit MDGs. Gender dynamics underpin all of the MDGs and to make progress, we need specific gender-sensitive policies and action across the entire project. This fight for gender equality can only be successful with YOU and playing our individual yet concerted roles towards successful women’s leadership; strengthening women’s economic empowerment; ending violence against women; promoting women’s participation in politics, peace and security processes; and ensuring that public planning and budgeting responds to the needs and rights of
women. Together-we can make it happen, IT IS DOABLE AND POSSIBLE.
At this point, l will like to conclude by saying that adequate encouragement of women participation in key sectors of our economy will trigger a faster development processes of our nation’s economy.

Special recognition to former Nigeria Finance Minister and World bank Chief, Dr. (Mrs) Ngozi OkonjoIweala; Late Dr. Dora Akunyili, Dr. Oby Ezekwelise; Former Speaker of the House of Representative Hon. Patricia Eteh for daring to be on top of their respective profession and chosen career despite Nigeria societal inequality and discrimination.
God bless you all.

Gender Inequality by Tolulope Awolusi

Wow, I was so overwhelmed when I was told to write on this topic “Gender inequality”

“Gender inequality” these are two important words ; “Gender” which refers to a male or female . “inequality” refers to unequal or uneven . Together it means unequal treatment or perceptions of a male or female.

According to the Encyclopedia definition it refers to the differences in the status , power and prestige women and men have in groups collectivities and societies.

Now that it has been broken down for better understanding, the next question that comes to the mind is what are the causes and Remedies / Protective factors or measures. These are what I will discuss below.

“All humans are responsible for their actions”-Anonymous. Yes, that is true about the above saying because our choice of action , making decisions, and influencing others are the causes of gender inequality. Just like the saying of an inspired writer,

” Every action ,every choice, about what to do is based on our anticipation of its effects, our understandings of consequences.”- Robert Max.

For example, the illustration which Alakpa gave to us in his article on “Gender inequality” about the lesbians, gays and Scottish men are illustrations of action and decision taken by we individuals.

I want to lay more emphasis on our country Nigeria. Searching through the internet I cited this ” Nigeria ranks 118 of 134 countries in gender inequality”. Why? I come to ponder more on this, mostly referring to the girls and women violence we hear day by day , more on child rape mostly affected by the girls , early marriage commonly found in the Northern States of Nigeria and domestic violence commonly in most homes while the women are victims in most cases. All these violence against women and girls are related to their lack of power and control as well as to social norms that prescribe men and women’s roles in the society and condone abuse .And it is influenced by the historical and structural power imbalances between women and men.

The protective measures or factors that can reduce women and girls risk of violence, includes ;Right for a girl child to complete her education.

Encourage social norms that promote gender equality.

Stopping early marriage and delaying age of marriage to 18

Women’s economic, autonomy and access to skills training, credit and employment.

Quality response services (judicial, security/protection, social and medical staffed with knowledgeable, skilled and trained personnel).

Availability of safe spaces or shelters and

Access to support groups.

All these measures can reduce the gender inequality of a state and in a nation.

“The progress of women means the progress of the world”- Joy Uche Angela Ogwu Nigeria ambassador to UN.

Yes it is true of the above saying because Behind every successful man there is a woman behind it..I still find it difficult why a man still raises his hand on a woman..

This is a great issue we still need to tackle “Gender inequality”.

 

GENDER ROLES

The last time I saw the word “Gender”, it was in a questionnaire with only two objective options: male or female. It amazed me when I realized that there are no options for those humans, who are gender queer, people who choose not to play the gender role prescribed for their sex. I believe everyone has the right to adopt a gender role separate from his/her biological sex. Biological sex or sexuality may be non negotiable, but gender roles should be negotiated. Though, many find it evil. I won’t judge their values.

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The web encyclopedia describes gender roles as societal norms that are ascribed to a person, based on the actual or perceived sex. It dictates for them, the kind of behaviors that are considered acceptable and appropriate.

The World health Organization defines gender roles as societal constructed; roles, behaviors, activities and attributes that a given society considers appropriate for a man or woman.

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Since gender roles are ascribed by the society, which includes families. Have we ever considered the effect of these roles on the psychological balance of every individual? I would like to assert that not everyone is comfortable in these roles. But obviously, a larger percent of the population have delved deep into this norm, so much that they begin to pass judgment and occasional prosecution to people who do not conform to these roles. We have decided to make our doctrines the standard of morality and uprightness. Take for example, the gay society who repels sexual advances from opposite sex. I am very sure that a few of my readers will put up a face of disgust at the sound of the word “gay”. It is a taboo to be lesbian or fag, whether by biology or habits! You think?

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Over the years, I have developed a concern on the level of comfort, with which we live with our societal and family expectations. I was shocked when I heard that every woman who wears trousers in the temperate or chilly regions, will be condemned to hell; I assume that the Scottish man, who wears a skirt called “kilt”, will be on the hell’s list too; as well as an Isoko man in Nigeria, who ties six yards of hollandis wrapper and singlet to get fish and snails for his “tom boy” daughter to make banga soup and starch. Does this feel right to you? Why is nobody allowed to live a life without prejudice and stigma?

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I am enormously satisfied with the male gender role in some parts of Nigeria, especially the part where I am entitled to the right; to suffrage, to marry as many tall, slim, curvy ebony wives as I desire, to have the concluding decisions in the family, discuss politics, sports, take palm wine and other beverages while I observe the waitress as she “shakes the thing” back to the bar as I continually recite 17, 18, 19 – 20 at every rhythmic step she takes. In fact, you are liable to be called gay or weak, if you fall short of any of the above characteristics.

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I am a big fan of the internet. I love to read articles online, stream videos from TED talks, get abreast with a bit of politics and even read biographies of some of my favorite writers and activists, such as Gloria Jean Watkins, better known by her pen name “Bell Hooks”. I discovered that gender roles have been used as an object for discrimination. Where tradition demands the wife cedes in every disagreement and tender apologies even when she is right. Traditions and culture may have stereotyped men to be physically and psychologically dexterous and competitive in the environment, while women are stereotyped to be home keepers and objects to be viewed.

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There are thousands of people who can testify, that quite a number of men are complacent to win a pinch of flour, not to talk of winning bread. It depresses me how some parents have been so assiduous, to train their daughters solely to be proper house wives, and ignore the fact that they may have dreams and passion to chase. They have decisions to take; whether to be a family cook or own intercontinental restaurants and employ world class chefs. She has a choice whether to do a man’s laundry or run a fashion and clothing line. A choice; to have two children at 20, or become a UNICEF ambassador at 30. She has a right; to suffrage, to be a published author, to avoid marriages that shelters chances of rape and violence, to be a single mother without societal and family stigma.

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I support the “GIRL POWER” movement, and I urge every man who is not intimidated to do the same. It is time we stopped playing roles from another tired script. I can’t stand the sight of people enslaved by prescribed norms in our independent nation. I demand to be fulfilled the day my daughter runs to give me a kiss, with the assurance that she can do whatever and be whoever she wants, without “die hard” prescriptions. I can set a moral standard, but I can’t make the choices for her. Neither should the society. It is a free world. Let people have their spaces.

 

THE STORY OF A NICE GUY

“You’re not the girl I use to know

You’re a shadow of yourself

I think I lost you long ago like a book that left the shelve,

I hear the footsteps down the hall and I know someday that will be you leaving me for good.”

 

The “Dare Alade” tune was playing in my head when I noticed the red stains on my shirt. Blood! Could it be blood? Am I bleeding without an injury on my skin? Could it be from my heart and not my chin? Could my mind be taking me on a spin? I need to wake up from this dream!

 

Aaaaaaaaah! *wakes up*

I wish there was an alarm that blows when your heart breaks, I wish for an android app that could detect a broken heart, if only I knew when my heart will break, or have a clue where a crack will start.

I am a huge fan of R & B, a regular guy who loves to sing, I like to hear songs that literally touch my heart, I use to be a very emotional guy, very nice, so nice I thought I was faking. You know that kind of “nice” that makes you envisage what people want and you do it before they ask? Yes! I was that nice. You can never catch me offended, I replaced my anger with self bullying and self criticism. I was too nice and I hated myself.

In my teenage years, I believed ladies like the nice guys, but it turned out to be an initial attraction that turns into disgust with time. People say confident guys are more likely to be arrogant, maybe true or maybe not. I hated arrogance and so couldn’t put myself on a confidence scale.

I believe we all thought we were wise during our teenage years, only to grow up and realize how naive we were. I thought being nice was all it took, I thought I was “The Man”, but I never thought the day will come when my heart will be the stake.

She didn’t need a knife to make me bleed, she didn’t need to break up before breaking my heart, right there before my eyes, my meals became empty dishes, I was holding on to the fumes of the train that left yesterday.

 

If only I had a clue, I would have told you a story or two, to explain how it really felt, but when you feel like the sun will never make you smile again, when you feel like the world may come to an end, when you feel like you were never good enough, when you feel your heart aching.

You just had your heart broken

THE SOCIETY

I have always thought I needed an extra pair of eyes because I love to see things in several perspectives. I have noticed that there is always a funny side to every story, especially the fun and craziness in our values.

Have you ever ran short of cash? probably there may have been a time when you had to take a motorcycle or tri-cycle and your fare is #20 short, you may have begged the driver to transport you for #30 instead of #50, to your amazement, he vehemently refused and zooms off with empty spaces while expending the same amount of fuel as when with passengers. The driver definitely has satisfied his conscience and it was better for him to drive empty than help a guy in need. He had a standard he valued and didn’t bother loosing #30 and a chance of appreciation.

I was in a class during my third year in the university and the lecturer was already having a session when my handsome friend walked in to the class wearing a well fitted three-piece suit and a jeans short. it was a very hot day and we were all sweating, even the lecturer had to undo his neck tie, but somehow, my friend thought it wise to use a suit.

My lecturer who was a passionate “racist” to shorts (pardon the inappropriate use) told my friend to leave the class or explain why he was wearing a short under a suit, and then my friend announced that he was so hot and that he felt very uncomfortable in a trouser, but magically feels good in a suit.

He had a value for fashion despite the weather, and he had a theory that could explain why he felt hot only on his legs.

The driver and my friend above have something in common, and that thing is “VALUE”. Of course, their values felt foolish to me and maybe to several millions of sane individuals, but that doesn’t mean that they are wrong. Our values in the society will always be questioned by people who have a different opinion of it. There will always be that craziness as long as our values are not the same.

Elements of a Stupid Society

I first of all apologize for taking so much time to write this new post, NYSC is no small joke peoples 😥. Anyhow to make sure you have loads of new stuff to catch up on, I brought new talented people onto this platform so they could also share their thoughts. I am so excited about this prospective relationship 🙌

To the business of today, the theme for the week is ‘The Society’ and through my Mon – Sat busy schedule I kept wondering what element of Society I was going to discuss and then it hit me: The element of Stupidity.

This element is ridden in our Nigerian Society so much that it has formed a foundation in which ‘we live and have our being’. You can find this parasite in every aspect of this Country. Let’s begin with one of the basic things in our Society: Food 🎂.

EoS (Element of Stupidity) 1: Someone once said that we like to suffer in Africa and it is apparent in the way we make our food, let’s take some staple foods in Nigeria i.e Pounded yam or Fufu. We spend nothing less than an hour to prepare these food: pounding; turning; we sweat and it drips into the food; we still pound; talk over the food and saliva drops in but we keep pounding on and we spend 5-10 minutes to eat it.
When better techniques arose e.g. Poundoyam which saves 25 minutes of ones time (which is still not impressive enough), people refused to purchase this because ‘it doesn’t taste like the real thing’… 😒. This taught me that Nigerians prefer hardwork (which has gotten us nowhere) to smartwork. If we use most of the time used for cooking to think of ideas and strategies to better our Country and acting on it, we’d be a formidable force in the World.

The second EoS is Politics 🃏: I agree we all know we have greedy illiterates as government but what you don’t know is we can change this scenario. I was watching Blackish some few weeks back and an episode there spoke strongly to me, I realized that politics is embedded into the grassroots of education in America, a child at 12 most likely knows whether she’s Democrat or Republican because their beliefs are outlined and all you do is crossmatch your views against theirs. In our Society we don’t know what our parties believe in other than corruption and the head controls the rest of the body hence the corruption within the Society. I would have advised the parties to go down to the grassroots as well but please let the children be free of your vile ways. Nobody wants children who will steal the money meant for his brother’s education, health or infrastructure bill. We need brighter minds to clean up our rotten government and start from scratch.

EoS number 3 👉 Culture 🎎: I have written on Culture before but this time I’ll briefly focus on how the element of stupidity has ridden our culture. There are things in culture that blind us and has held us down from progress, for example: gender roles. If you are family to this blog, first of all 😘 and secondly you’d know I am an avid gender activist. This is because I’ve experienced it first hand and so have many other people, from minor inequality to major ones. In my posts Is the problem the S in She? Who’s the next to cede in Love?  #ILiveinaWorld Dear Independent Woman,  I talked deep about gender issues and its spiced into almost all my posts as per #teamfeminist 😉. Again I say this, if we start embracing gender, both male and female equality, we have succeeded in creating an even plane field for tremendous Success and Development for our Society.

EoS number 4 ➡ Religion ⛪. You can tap this to get what I mean.

There are more Elements of Stupidity in our Society but if we take steps to correct the four above, we’ll have moved Nigeria into a better life.

Music Playing: Ranti – Iwe Kiko

He is Light

Our Society is ridden with so much eye-service and hypocrisy especially in Christianity. I took a long walk today because I’ve been battling with a lot of questions concerning my Life and you’d be surprised what you’ll find out far from technology.

Some notions believe in forcing individuals to go to Church and serve God even against their will else you’d be labeled in unflattering terms. Whether you like it or not, you’ll go to church every morning, afternoon and night when it arose.

The problem with this technique is, I am not worshipping from my heart but from force. I don’t want to get labels, so I go to Church, I zone out but as far as I go. I am not free to discover God in my own pace. This doesn’t breed anything but contempt and sheer confusion.
We are so ‘Christianized’ in our Nation, it makes us lazy. We believe that ‘all I have to do is sit at home and ‘faith’ things into being’. That’s not what Jesus teaches, He tells us ‘Faith without Work is Dead’, but we turn things upside down. Instead of us to plan our lives, and work to be successful, we say ‘well I have a God who’ll supply my needs when it arises’, why not work and have a constant source of money.

We have been programmed so much that even if I told you some more truths, you’d argue with me and think I’m ‘demon possessed’. In our homes you can’t talk about topics like sex or dating because its not ‘Christianly’. I can’t have a broken heart and want to talk about it because its not ‘scriptural’. I am battling with drug abuse but God Forbid I talk to my dad about it cos he’s a deacon in Church and it isn’t ‘fortified’ talk.

I am not able to open up to my parents so I: have premature sex; have abortions; have a drug issue; become rebellious; live a fake life; become an aristo girl; e.t.c. all so they don’t say an evil spirit is talking through me; or I’m possessed by the devil; or I should just fast and pray. Sometimes I need to talk about these feelings or issues but nooo, just be quiet and have faith that Jesus will take it all away.

I know someone who smokes weed and dopes the latest drugs, he was in Church for a program and the pastor says ‘if you smoke or you’re into immorality…, come out… so God will save you’ (Paraphrased). He comes out and repents, even though his parents were present in Church and had no idea he had drug related issues. They were so shamed that when they got home they flogged him and later left the Church because it was too humiliating for them. He relapsed. This is how some people view Christianity, a source of fame, eye-service and hypocrisy and that’s not the case. Christianity is a beautiful way of Life, so beautiful that God gave His only son to die for us so we’d obtain His rich and glorious promise.

Do not let people jade Christianity. Find out what it truly is, from the one true, unprogrammed source: Jesus through the Bible with the help of the Holy Spirit. Leave the hypocrisy alone and turn your eyes upon Jesus so we’d be able to live aright and teach our Children a glorious way of Life.

Jesus Loves us regardless of how much we’ve done wrong. He’s a pure, bright light that shines in our darkest hours. He is gentle and kind and wants what’s best for us.
That is the Jesus I know. That is the Jesus I worship.

Who’s the next to cede in Love?

Some few days ago at the NYSC Secretariat in Abeokuta I met a guy, umm I can’t remember his name atm 😱  anyhow, we got talking and I asked what school he went to and he said UNN i. e University of Nigeria, Nsukka, my face was immediately brought to life by the news as my mentor /role model Chimamanda Adichie mentioned this school in all her books I’ve read and this made me fall in love with it even without visiting, that my friends is the power of words. Let’s not get sidetracked.

Chimamanda Adichie said during her TedTalk ‘We should all be Feminists’ that the word she hates more than anything is COMPROMISE. I’ll tell you why soon. The third step in the journey of Love is Sacrifice. According to Google / Dictionary on Google, ‘Sacrifice is giving up (something valued) for the sake of other considerations’. Hold up Google 😕 does that mean when my SO needs a heart I should yank out my own?  😨.

I remember while in School (Covenant University) during an interactive session,  a question was asked, ‘Would you give up your career to please your husband?’ And this girl walks out and says ‘Of course I will, he is priority in a marriage’ I was like  😲! 😲! 😵! 😵! WHAT?! There is a huge difference between Sacrifice and plain Stupidity and that, Loved ones, was Stupidity × 100… well to me.

Sacrifice is putting into consideration, your SO’s needs in comparison to yours. For example: My SO and I want to buy a house, it’s 50 minutes commute from my office but a walking distance from his, taking into consideration all factors e. g. Traffic etc, is it then wise to settle for this or look for an apartment closer to my office and relatively close to his as well?

When talking about sacrifice, in a Nigerian society, it’s mostly the women that do all of it and then we tag it Compromise. BARF! let me take you down a ‘Compromise’ world in Chimamanda Adichie’s steps. Paraphrased ‘When a woman is talking about compromise she means giving up her career or life-term goals to either take care of the children/ her husband or the house as demanded by society but when a man talks about compromise, it is about something he shouldn’t be doing in the first place ‘ my wife said I should stop going to the club so I just restricted it to the weekends’.

In Love, you should learn how to accept your SO, trust them and realistically let them sacrifice for you, if need be. I wouldn’t let my SO sacrifice his career for me if I know it means the world to him. Remember this, the one thing you should never do in a relationship is lose yourself. NEVER EVER DO THAT!

Sacrifice is a two-way system, I put your needs into consideration but against mine as well and this should work vice-versa. If I sacrifice for you, will it end up in a Lose-Win situation or a Win-Win? Our aim people, is the latter.

Love is a journey. The first step is Acceptance / Understanding. The second is Trust. The third is Sacrifice. Till tomorrow.😘